Valentine's Day Advice...
Author: Maggie Washo
I was speaking to a colleague of mine on the phone last week (you know who you are) about the impending arrival of the most dreaded of the Hallmark Holidays…Valentine’s Day.
Why “dreaded”, you ask? Let me explain. If you fall into one of the following categories, there is a good chance you are dreading V-Day. And V does not stand for Victory, my friends. However, as I am not currently involved in this nonsense, I find that I can be clear-headed enough to offer the following folks some good advice, or at least a bit of consolation. Keep reading.
1) The New “Friend”
Three words. Too much pressure. Do you acknowledge the holiday with something small? Do you ignore it altogether and pretend you have to leave town on a trip that was scheduled like, three months ago? The holiday forces you to think about things like “Where is this heading?” or “Do I really even like this person?” or even worse “Does this person even like me?”
Advice: Stop thinking so much for crying out loud! You’re making my head hurt.
2.) The Girl who’s Husband/ Boyfriend/ Significant Other Just Isn’t Very Good About Being Romantic…
We all know someone like this. I hope it’s not you reading this right now, but if it is I’m sorry for calling you out and making you feel worse.
Your guy is sweet and you know he loves you. That is not in question. He goes out of his way to call you everyday just to say hello. He takes your dog out when you can’t get home during the day. He makes you soup when you are sick.
He just can’t remember Valentine’s Day. Even though it’s plastered on every media outlet from the time he wakes up until the time he clicks off the TV at 11pm.
So you sit in the office on Valentine’s Day and watch A Floral Affair and Flowers by Sue make sixteen trips to your office and walk by your desk everytime. Not cool.
Consolation: At least V-Day falls on a Saturday this year.
3.) The Guy who Really Likes the new Hottie he just met but doesn’t want to creep Her Out.
This girl rocks your world. You saw her from across the bar at Reilley’s two weeks ago and you haven’t been able to get her out of your head. A few days later you run into her at the dry cleaner and actually muster up the courage to talk to her. You make small talk about wine stains and find out she works next door. You casually glance at her name on the ticket as she waves goodbye and walks out the door.
You want to send her flowers signed by a “Secret Admirer” for Valentine’s Day.
Advice: Don’t. It’s creepy.
And if for some odd reason you actually do end up together, she’ll STILL think it’s creepy.
4.) The Husband Who Was Going to Buy his Wife that Brand New Diamond Bracelet she’s been eyeing for 2 years…before the economy went in the crapper and he lost his job.
Advice: She knows you love her. It’s the thought that counts. Pick the neighbor’s flowers and show up at her office with them. When your neighbor raises hell, blame it on the Sea Pines deer.
5.) The Single Girl
Enough said. I really don’t have any advice or consolation. Chocolate Ice cream and Sex and the City reruns? Weak, I know.
6.) The Single Guy
This is the one person who really WILL be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year.
Giggle. Giggle. Giggle.