December 2012

CH2's Holiday Hoopla!

Author: Special To C2 Magazine

A Christmas Story
I’m driving to work today and listening to Christmas carols and it hits me, what in the heck is a pum? The reason I ask is that, well, it’s mentioned 61 times in the 181 word song “Little Drummer Boy.” A full one third of the song is dedicated to the pum. Dictionary.com returns no definition for the “pum” search, and now I have even more questions. One, why aren’t I a song writer? And two, how the heck did songwriters Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone get away with this highway robbery?

With the word rum also making 21 appearances (a little more palatable—pun intended—as alcohol consumption must increase during the holiday season), I realize that this stellar (ahem!) trio penned merely 33 words apiece and they’ve been cashing in on Christmas carol royalties since 1958 for this sham. I demand a recount!
While we’re talking about the spirit (one more round please) of the season, let me get this straight. Black Friday was on a Thursday this year? The retailers couldn’t even wait until I tugged at the turkey’s dehydrated desire bone before starting the Christmas fanfare? Macy’s has been running holiday adverts since mid-October. Target had to move their Halloween costume aisle before anyone even had the chance to trick or treat just to make room for the Christmas decorations. Home Depot’s pop-up parking lot Christmas tree “farm” was populated before Thanksgiving week.

What’s the rush? I think our chances of it really being the “hap, happiest season of all” would increase if we would let it arrive at its own pace. In December, like it used to, for crying out loud. I thought there were only twelve days of Christmas? If that maid has to start milking double-time, she may not make it to December 25th. And think about the poor lord a leaping; his hamstrings will be burning like a yule log.
As the holidays draw near, our internal evaluations of the year past start playing in our psyche. As we flip through the happenings of our life, it is almost as it we are creating a veritable naughty and nice list in our mind. I mean, if we rush Christmas, we miss the opportunity to slap ourselves on the wrist for eleven months of stupid crap we did. We might also be missing the opportunity to really consider the important things in life. And by things, I mean the people.

In the past year, two of my friends have lost their young wives to cancer. These two amazing women left behind not only their husbands, but young children, whose Christmas memories will no longer include their mom’s physical presence. For them, I almost want to stop time so they can cherish their memories and slowly start making new ones.

Just a month or so ago, I watched my hometown of Brick, New Jersey get decimated by “super storm” Sandy. Watching from South Carolina—and via Facebook where much of the story was unfolding for me—it was as if time stopped. I watched high school friends rally together to get through the horror. I flipped through picture after picture of destruction, almost obsessed, and in disbelief that the landscape of all of my childhood memories has forever changed.

As this season is shoved down our throats so furiously, we don’t get to enjoy the holidays at our own pace. I don’t want to “hurry down the chimney tonight.” I want to slowly make my way to “Jingle Bell Square” and I’d like you to “follow me in merry measure.”

Let’s take the time this month to step back, if only for a second, to make a quick list of what is truly important this holiday season. And, remember, with Facebook and Twitter, Santa (and everyone else) really does know when you are awake, and if you’ve been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake.

Holiday Drink Recepie
Hot Tennessee Toddy

Ingredients:

1.5 oz. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey
Spoonful of honey
Cinnamon stick
A good squeeze of fresh lemon juice
Boiling water

To Assemble:

Pour Jack Daniels into a heavy mug. Add a spoonful of honey, cinnamon stick and lemon juice. Top with boiling water and stir. Enjoy!

FACT:Each year there are approximately 20,000 “rent-a-Santas” across the United States. “Rent-a-Santas” usually undergo seasonal training on how to maintain a jolly attitude under pressure from the public. They also receive practical advice, such as not accepting money from parents while children are looking and avoiding garlic, onions, or beans for lunch

Out-Of-The-Office Replies for the Holidays

With the Holidays approaching, you and your co-workers will be leaving for much-dreaded family visits to Wisconsin or highly anticipated Christmas trips to the Caribbean. Don’t forget to set up your out-of-office replies before you leave. Feel free to be creative without getting yourself fired.

For the soon-to-be-unemployed

I apologize for missing your email. I am at the doctor’s office having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our Management Team.

For the wise -a in your office**

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

For the Religious

Brother,
I am sorry I missed your email. I am celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

God Bless.

For anyone with a Smartphone

I will be out of the office and returning next week. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, it will not be used for work purposes.

For Men:

I am currently out of the office on maternity leave.

And our Personal Favorite, which can be used at anytime – not just during the Holidays:

I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

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