March 2010

Editor’s Note: March 2010

Author: Maggie Washo | Photographer: Photography By Anne

So let me tell you about my Valentine’s Day…

It started with an 8 a.m. text from a friend of mine who just wanted to know if I was awake. And, thanks to that loud text message singing the strains of “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga (what an appropriate ringtone for V-Day), indeed I was.

So I set out to accomplish (albeit earlier than when I wanted) what I had on the agenda for the day.

1.) Walk the dog.
2.) Write cover lines for the March issue.
3.) Clean my car.
4.) Clean the house.
5.) Take a nap—for a very long time.

Having items 1, 2 & 3 knocked out well before noon, I returned to my house, confident that the last item on my list would definitely be right around the corner—I love my weekend naps. But Cupid, it seems, had other plans.

After tackling the bathroom with bleach and paper towels, I went to flush the toilet. It did not flush. (Could it have been the paper towels? Nah. That’s just a plumber’s myth.) Being the handy lady that I am, I proceeded to empty half of the toilet bowl into the bathtub and began plunging to no avail. Just about then, I realized the water in the bathtub was also just sitting there. Now I can assure you I did NOT try to stuff paper towels down the bathtub drain.

In a bit of a panic at this point, I rushed to Walgreens to buy two of the largest bottles of Drano I could find. Upon returning to the house, dangerous chemicals in hand, I realized that I could not flush Drano down the toilet (Something about it melting the plastic pipes…sometimes it pays to read the directions on the bottle).

So what does a modern girl do when all else fails? She turns to her very good friend who always has all the answers: Google.

According to Google, unclogging a toilet is very simple and doesn’t usually require a plumber. Obviously. Having already tried steps 1 through 3 on the tutorial entitled “How to Unclog a Toilet,” I skipped to the last step: The Wire Coat Hanger Method.

It was as I sat on the floor next to the porcelain god, rubber gloves on, unwound coat hanger shoved halfway up the toilet, absolutely covered in bleach that I had to start laughing hysterically.

Some girls were expecting Valentine’s Day to bring flowers, chocolates, romantic cards and candlelit dinners with their loved ones. Here I was, on the most romantic day of the year, and all I wanted to do was take a shower and use the toilet.

It really is the simple things in life that bring us the most pleasure.

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