October 2009

All-Time Top 10 Funniest Movies for Guys

Author: Craig Hysell

Okay, here’s the gig: this list is debatable. I’m not saying this list is written in stone. It’s written with more of a “black Sharpie scrawled across your passed out buddy’s forehead” mentality—visible, hard to get off, comical, yet possibly offensive.

In assessing a top ten all-time list of any sort, there has got to be criteria. Dudes like to argue. We argue about the best QB in the NFL, the best beer in the world, the hotness level of the girl who just walked by us in the bar smelling like cinnamon and rainbows who completely ignored our existence. It’s in our “manimilistic” nature to debate. Criteria helps us debate intelligently… as much as “intelligence” is a factor in debating a list as completely immature as this one, anyway.
So, without further ado:

The Criteria:

1. The movie has got to be for dudes. That doesn’t mean girls can’t think these movies are funny too. That just means, in the most juvenile and shameless way possible, that these movies contain ridiculous jokes, oftentimes a scantily clad woman who has fallen in love with a loser-like character; and stuff usually blows up, there is a car chase, a fist fight and fart noises for good measure.

2. The movie had to be made after 1990. Why? Because the 1980s were a time of phenomenal comedic movies. All dudes know that Caddyshack is the number one dude comedy movie of all time, and beyond that, an all-time top ten list would contain mostly 80s flicks. Movies like Stripes, The Blues Brothers,
Animal House, Trading Places, Spaceballs, The Toy, Airplane, Fletch, Raising
Arizona, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Real Genius, Top Secret, Weird Science,
The Burbs, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Bachelor Party, History of the World
Part I, anything from Cheech and Chong, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Better
Off Dead, The Naked Gun, Coming to America, Porky’s, Strange Brew eh,
This Is Spinal Tap, etc. are all comedic gold mines—and in the name of diversity (what in the hell’s diversity? I believe it’s an old, old wooden ship…) we need to be more… diverse. We’ve got to keep it from being more than just a walk down an 80s memory lane. So, who could number one be now that
Caddyshack is gone?

3. Cult status. Measuring a film’s “dude” success purely by box office numbers is ridiculous. Some guys don’t even get off the couch to get to the movie store anymore, which is why it was a dude who invented Netflix. Instead, this list will measure a film’s staying power by its cult status or, simply, by the number of quotable lines that have made it into dude lingo. For example: if your bro said, “I thought the Rocky Mountains would be rockier than this,” you would know what movie it came from. (If I have to tell you the movie then you’re not allowed to read this list. You aren’t ready, son.)

The List:

10. Team America: World Police (2004). This epic Matt Stone and Trey Parker ode to irreverence blasts the “high and mighty” with the use of song, a hilarious plot, the Film Actors Guild, terrorists and puppets. Yes, puppets. The non-stop laughfest also includes explosions, puppet sex and “America! ****, Yeah!” Awesome.
Cult Quotes (from songs):
“I’m so ronery…”
“Freedom costs a buck o’ five…”
“America, **** yeah, coming to save the mother****ing day, yeah!”

9. Supertroopers (2001). This second feature from the Broken Lizard crew is arguably its best one so far. Full of juvenile pranks, Car Ramrod, The Cat Game, litres o’ cola, Favra and shenanigans, this tale of a little Vermont police department that could had us all at the maple syrup chugging contest meow.
Cult Quotes:
“You boys like Mex-i-co!”
“Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?”
“Then why you laughing Mister… Larry Johnson?”

8. Swingers (1996). Vegas, baby. VEGAS! The Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn team could first be seen in the movie Rudy. It didn’t take the duo long to move from a Catholic college to the L.A. social scene. Because that’s where are the beautiful babies are, baby. Which is kinda money.
Cult Quotes:
“I want you to remember this face, here. Okay? This is the guy behind the guy, behind the guy.”
“This place is dead anyway.”
“You’re not trying to hurt the bunny, you’re just kinda gently batting it around, you know?”

7. Dumb and Dumber (1994). Two monumental idiots, a van shaped like a dog and an unforgettable quest for love. Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!
Cult Quotes:
“Big Gulps, huh? (pauses) Whelp, see ya later!”
“We landed on the moon!”
“Goodbye my loooove…”
“So, you’re telling me there’s a chance.”
“Kick his ass, Seabass.”

6. American Pie (1999). The plot is simple: guys want to lose their virginity by prom night. The twist: Stifler, sex with a pie, flutes and Porky’s-style raunch. The result: classic laughs, one so-so sequel and one awful sequel.
Cult quotes:
Anything Stifler says.

5. Superbad (2007). Roger Ebert gave this film three and a half stars out of four and said, “The movie reminded me a little of National Lampoon’s Animal House except that it’s more mature, as all movies are.” Nice. Two thumbs up.
Cult Scene:
Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin…
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the **** would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don’t you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on earth. Read a ****ing book for once.

4. Zoolander (2001). Rarely is a movie so really, really, ridiculously good-looking. Even if it only has one look.
Cult Quotes:
“Ohhh. The files are IN the computer…”
“I’m not an ambi-turner.”
“Mer-man. [coughs weakly] MER-MAN!!
“Hansel. He’s so hot right now.”

3. Old School (2003). No explanation necessary, except to say that Jeremy Piven is one of the most underrated talents in Hollywood today. Now, lock up the Red Dragon, get that dart out of your neck, keep your composure, bring your green hat and keep truckin’.
Cult Quotes:
“Maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond, I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”
“We’re going streaking!”
“Didn’t we lock you in a dumpster one time?”
“All you have to say is ‘ear muffs,’ see, then you can say whatever you want.”
“Blue, you’re my boy!”
“All right, good talk. I’ll see you out there.”

2. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004). Will Ferrell is a friggin’ genius and Ron Burgundy is “the balls.” A character so arrogant and self-involved he’s utterly ridiculous. And awesome. Ferrell takes it all the way. The A-list supporting cast is practically unrivaled.
Cult Quotes (way too many to list!):
“Hey everybody, come see how could I look.”
“Sixty percent of the time it works every time.”
“It’s made from bits of real panther so you know it’s good.”
“Stay classy.”

1. The Big Lebowski (1998). An epic cult classic, The Big Lebowski, has spawned several annual festivals around the world. Donnie, Walter Sobchak, The Jesus, Brandt, Bunny, Mr. Lebowski, 281 uses of the f-word and of course, The Dude, who ever knew that bowling could be so interesting? The Coen brothers are always pitching strikes.
Cult Quotes:
“This is not ‘Nam, there are rules.”
“Phone’s ringing, Dude.”
“Donnie, you’re out of your element.”
“That rug really tied the room together.”
“Careful, man, there’s a beverage here.”
“****ing dog has ****ing papers. OVER THE LINE!”
“Nobody ****s with the Jesus.”

Let the debating begin…
Honorable mentions:

Instant Classic Status: The Hangover (2009). Nothing beats a quality wolfpack.

Best Vince Vaughn Movie Post: Swingers: Wedding Crashers (2005). Let’s go kill some birds, I’m psyched.

Other Quality Seth Rogan Flicks: The Forty Year-Old Virgin (2005) and
Knocked Up (2007). Use your peripherals.

The Austin “Danger” Powers Trilogy: They were all frickin’ “sharks with laser beams on their heads” hilarious. Sex? Yes, please.

Movies With Herb: Dazed and Confused. Grandma’s Boy. Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny. What we’ve got is going to turn your brain to sh*t.

More Will: Step Brothers. Starsky and Hutch. Two dragons.

A little Sandler: Billy Madison. It’s too hot for a penguin to just be walking around.

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