February 2009

It Could Be Worse

Author: Craig Hysell

Ah, love. That whimsical virtue that sets souls free, makes all things possible, enables dreams, ignites ubiquitous passions and validates the meaning of our existence. The stuff of lofty poems, swoon-inducing fairy tales and true romance. Yes, love is truly a beautiful thing.
Until we get cheated on, unceremoniously dumped or realize our significant other is really nothing more than an infantile sycophant. That’s when the best thing in our life—the person who gave our life meaning—turns into a mind-numbing, life-sucking, black hole in our daily routine. This is a time of pain. But it’s not all bad. You’re not alone. Other people have had it worse my friend, and as long as you’re still breathing there’s hope for a brighter day.
Sometimes, looking back, those bad days are even entertaining…

??“For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”??—Bill Shakespeare

An Awkward Moment
Some couples find that after 14 years of marriage, life can seem a little mundane. The old spark just isn’t there. The romance is gone. Co-existence is downright frustrating. At times like these some people turn to friends, family or professional therapists for support. Others decide that, perhaps, a different route might be best.
Last fall, a Polish man saw something familiar upon visiting his local brothel one evening. His wife was among the employees. Yep. Imagine getting all dolled up with a couple of sprays of your best $3 cologne and heading out into the world to pay for some sex only to walk into the joint and see your wife turning tricks. (“I just can’t get away, can I?”) No word on the man’s initial defense to this awkward moment, but he probably said something clever like, “Wait, this isn’t a Lowe’s…”
Apparently, the man’s wife had been telling her husband she had been making some extra money working at a store in a town nearby. The two are now, oddly enough, getting a divorce. “I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the man told a Polish tabloid about the event. Indeed, sir. Some men dream of their wife dressing up like a prostitute for a wickedly fun evening and some men dream of their wife actually being a prostitute. Then they talk to tabloid news reporters about it. Touché…

Burnin’ Down the House
Tatsuhiko Kawata was arrested on the day of his wedding when he suddenly cancelled the event and was behaving suspiciously, says Yomiuri newspaper. The capture was a good call because, while love did not really burn in Kawata’s heart, it did burn something. Literally. The 39 year-old man set fire to the hotel he was due to get married at rather than go through with the ceremony. Eighty guests were evacuated and nobody was injured.
Kawata told police, “I thought if I set a fire, I wouldn’t have to go through with the wedding.” Yes, if you are a complete idiot and don’t realize wedding dates can be changed to different hotels at a later date, arson is always a good backup plan. Of course, Kawata could have just been honest and told his fiancée he already had a wife, which he did indeed already have.

Yomiuri news did not report whether the first wife of Kawata was invited to his additional wedding or not. Or if the, “Honey, you can do better,” pleas of the fiancée’s mother were finally heeded.

Dude, the law sayeth 86 Wives is 82 too many, bro.
A Nigerian Muslim court recently detained an 84-year-old Islamic preacher for “insulting religious creed” and “unlawful marriages.” Islamic sharia law allows no man to have more than four wives at a time; that includes Mohammed Bello who lives with his 86 wives and 170 children in the town of Bida. Bello pleaded not guilty to the charges. On top of his incarceration, Bello has also received numerous death threats.

Jail? A trial? Death threats? You guys aren’t tuning in to the big picture over there. Look, it’s simple: Eighty-six wives. One hundred and seventy kids. Do the math! You can do nothing to make this man’s life any more difficult. Nothing!

And at what point did somebody realize that they may have a “wife situation” on their hands in the town of Bida? Where were the sharia lawmakers at wife number 5? Nobody wagged a finger at Bello after his wedding to number 6? Come on guys…

Bello’s defense? His right to life and personal liberty are being violated by the court. (This from a man with 86 wives?!) Zing! Back at’cha Nigerian Muslim Court! You’re going down. True love (multiplied by 86) must prevail!

The J. Geils Band sang “Love Stinks.” Love has literally driven people insane, and Socrates said, “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher,” but the world wouldn’t have its bright spots without it. Neither would you.

*All stories taken from weirdnews.about.com.

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